Can you really meet your own needs in the early years?
Contributed by Nikki Steele Osborne – aka The Scottish Soul Sister – an award-winning maternal mental health coach.
Which of the following best describes your current parenting status??
Expecting?
New?
Fostering?
Adopting?
Step?
Just plain old tired??
You see, it actually doesn’t matter which one you are…Personal Development is for ALL parents and let me tell you why!
In today’s world we have the luxury of information and resources at our fingertips…literally! This is, of course, amazing but can have a dark side too, dum dum duuuummmm (dark music!)
Hormones, lack of sleep, adjusting to your new reality can all render our clarity as clear as…well mud!
So many opinions, lots of well-meaning advice and so much conflicting information can leave you wondering what your own name is let alone how to look after another wee human being!
But understanding yourself, your partner, managing your expectations, opening up some honest communication and carving out a life that you are confident living can have a HUGE impact on your parenting!
Now I could talk about this all day long but I’m guessing you’re busy, so let me just share the foundations of this framework that will have you riding that wave of parenting like a cool surfer dude with bright shorts, shaggy blonde hair and the stability and balance that stops them flailing around in the water!
Understanding the six human needs and how to meet them
Have you heard of this? If not….read on! The Six Human Needs are:
- Certainty
- Variety
- Significance
- Love and Connection
- Growth
- Contribution
We each have these needs and once I learned this and created a way to ensure I met all of my needs, it literally changed my life (I’m aware that sounds dramatic but it’s true!).
By making small tweaks and introducing a structure to meet these needs, you can incite clarity, confidence and a sense of wellbeing as you navigate your parenting journey.
So how can you meet these needs? Is it some ground breaking technique? Is it a new trendy modality? Do you have to pay squillions of dollars to unearth this life changing information?
NO!
We’re going back to basics!
Now this list is not exhaustive, but small changes can make all the difference…
- Manage and be intentional with your time
- Create boundaries around that time
- If your budgets/finances aren’t in order, prioritise them
- Sit down and try to remember what brings you joy and pinpoint things that don’t bring you joy. How can you find ways to incorporate the joy every day, while cutting down on the negative?
- Be aware of what you read, watch on TV, listen to and how it impacts your mood and mental health
- Connect with those who are good for your soul
- Study
- Have a passion project (i.e yourself!)
- Move your body
- When and where you can, have a plan for meals
- Create an environment that makes all your senses happy!
Look, let’s be clear, there is no magic wand, solution or guaranteed strategy when it comes to being a parent, we are all in it together but if I can suggest anything to you today it’s this…
Find an outside listening ear, a therapist, councilor or coach that you feel comfortable with and who gives you a safe space to give oxygen to any challenges you may be facing and together identify best ways for you to meet your own needs and development. Then, look at yourself in the mirror and make a wee promise to yourself that you will, from now on, be less harsh on yourself…you are doing better than you think you are.
Nikki is a Scottish Lassie married to an American guy with a Montenegrin rescue dog and a wee boy with a huge personality. Nikki’s journey to becoming a coach, speaker and course creator has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, relocations, post partum depression, running her own businesses and navigating the challenges faced with this transient lifestyle. Becoming a mum was Nikki’s catalyst for change and it is her passion and purpose to share all she has learned with you.